The term “Transactional Analysis” is not commonly known to the general public, but it is one of the most pivotal aspects of what we teach within Sandler. David H. Sandler came across the study of Transactional Analysis in the late 1960’s, and as a curious salesperson with a ferocious yearning to understand the core of what makes people think and behave the way they do, he realized that he was onto something. The psychology of our ego states would soon play a key role in his sales training, as it directly influences whether we are moving toward, or moving away from achieving our goals.
Have you ever wondered why you feel so strongly about certain rules you’ve followed since before you can remember? Beliefs and values you hold? Emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness, that creep up every single time you’re confronted with a specific situation? Why do you have certain habits such as putting the role of toilet paper on going over, not under (as you should 😊)? We all operate from different ego states as we play the different roles and live through different experiences in our lives.
Motivating your behaviors are 3 main ego states. Your adult, parent, and child egos’ all play (and fight) together to influence your thinking, feeling, and decision making. Each one responds differently to different stimuli and feeds off the other in different ways. Think about a time when you really wanted to do something, but then you remembered what your mom taught you, and you decided it probably wasn’t a good idea. That would be your “adapted child” listening to your “parent” ego. Your parent is the one who teaches you the rules of life, your values and beliefs, and gives you instructions for what is “ok” and “not ok” to do. Your adapted child is the quiet kid who sticks by their parent’s side and follows every order. When your “critical parent” yells at you and uses your FULL NAME…… oh boy, your adapted child straightens right up! Your parent and adapted child ego state work together to keep you inside the lines, following the rules, and create judgments stemming from your past experiences.
Your “natural child” is the kid who is in the front row at the school choir concert, bopping around, tapping their feet and singing along to the song joyously while the other kids stand stiff and rehearsed, nervously eking out the lyrics. This “natural child” is open, curious, exploratory, excited and inquisitive, and most importantly, fully engaged in the present moment. Interestingly, the natural child responds to the ego state that is responsible for reasoning, for processing information, for collecting data and assessing the current situation. Your “adult” is the ego state that allows room for your natural child to come out and play, and LEARN, while intellectually applying the information you are receiving to the present.
What benefits come from operating in a space of awareness, being present, and most importantly having fun?! Your energy goes up. Your confidence in your ability to reason and sort things out for yourself, and your motivation to follow your ambitions never leaves you. Who you bring to your next big presentation, your scariest sales call, your big interview, your meeting with your boss to discuss your raise, is hugely impactful to the outcome of you experiencing success, or not. Leaving your parent and adapted child at home and letting your natural child out to play in your adult life is the best way to go when you are working to achieve your goals!
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